


gaze as cold as ice (so why does my heart feel so warm)

by eucaleili



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, ISU Grand Prix of Figure Skating, M/M, Minor Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix, figure skating AU, jisung and felix are minecraft kids, seungmin plays hockey!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:27:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27258685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eucaleili/pseuds/eucaleili
Summary: Hyunjin started his figure skating career pretty late, but he's a quick learner with a passion for the sport.A younger, more experienced skater, doesn't seem too happy about the new competition.In which Hyunjin and Jeongin fight as kids, then meet again at the Grand Prix Finals.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix, Hwang Hyunjin/Yang Jeongin | I.N
Comments: 2
Kudos: 63





	gaze as cold as ice (so why does my heart feel so warm)

**Author's Note:**

> i know i'm supposed to be writing the next chapter of my longer witchcraft series but yuzuru hanyu's notte stellata performance came up in my youtube recommendations and i couldn't resist
> 
> beta read by the wonderful autumnjjong!! also written for her bc hyunin nation needs some love
> 
> also an FYI that although I have experience with figure skating, I've never personally been to any competitions, so I apologize for any inconsistencies! i tried to research the best i could! (some minor things were changed just for story reasons, though;;!)

The wheels of the bag fell to the ground with a thud as Hyunjin got out of Jisung’s mom’s car. He didn’t want to go figure skating. He wanted to go home, finish his homework, and finally finish watching those hockey compilation videos he had started.

“But c’mon!” Jisung yelled, “You said you like the ice, right?” A 12-year-old Jisung ran out in front of him, holding his best friend’s figure skates in his hands, “If your mom thinks that hockey is too dangerous, figure skating should still let you sit out there on the ice, no?”

Hyunjin shook his head in disgust. “No offense to Felix and his figure skating friends, but hockey is so much cooler! They have big pads on their shoulders and long sticks- and they fight!”

A grimace spread across Jisung’s face. “Don’t be a weirdo, that isn’t fun!” He scolded, “Hockey is more than just fighting people, Hyunjin, do you even know how to play hockey?”

Hyunjin fell silent, scratching his long blonde hair. He had grown it out, just like the “cool hockey players” at the local high school.

“See! You’d probably hate it. I hit you yesterday and you started crying like a baby,” Jisung huffed.

“D-Did not!” Hyunjin spit back. (He did.)

A rush of air hit them as they walked through the sliding doors of the stadium, the air filled with the faint smell of… hot chocolate?

“Mama! Mama, can we get hot chocolate before we skate?” Jisung begged his mom, pulling at her sleeve as they walked. Hyunjin stood behind him; supportive, but not daring to ask for more.

“Your lessons start in just a few minutes!” She exclaimed, “Go find a seat and change into your skates! Mrs. Lee will be here soon to get you two into your trial class!”

“Yes ma’am!” 

They found an empty seat next to a window looking into a small rink at the end of the building. There were only two people inside. An instructor with a squared jaw, and a small boy with short black hair that whisked around the rink like a fairy.

Hyunjin watched him skate backward with ease, his body pushing itself forward as his feet propelled him back, and suddenly, he was in the air, spinning around in the blink of an eye and-

He could almost hear the thud as the smaller skater hit the ground, immediately pushing himself up onto his arms and continuing to skate circles around the ice.

Jisung had already finished unlacing his shoes, shoving his foot into one of his friend’s skates. “You know, it’s so cool that Felix and I have the same foot size! It’s like we’re- HEY!”

Hyunjin tore his gaze away from the window. “What?”

“Put your skates on, dumbass! We’re going to be late!” 

“J-Jisung shut up! Don’t swear, your mom might hear!”

✰

The lessons started simple. Stand up. Sit down. Get back up.

It seemed almost elementary to Hyunjin, and he was able to shift his weight with ease. Jisung, on the other hand, wasn’t so lucky.

“Mrs. Lee, can I go sit down? My butt hurts!” Jisung let out a pained whine, followed by a chorus of several other children who weren’t doing so well.

“No, we have to continue! Everybody, stand up!”

Jisung whined even louder, slowly pushing himself up from the ground as his skates slid out from under him. Hyunjin stared at him, standing up with complete ease.

“Hyunjin, come here,” The teacher motioned. Hyunjin skated to her, holding his arms out to his sides and slowing to a stop near her.

“Yes, ma’am?” Hyunjin asked, looking up to her with big eyes. 

“First, let’s get you one of these,” She began, encouraging the kids to keep going as she handed him a small black hair tie, “Let’s get this hair out of your eyes first, shall we?”

Hyunjin didn’t realize that it was a problem until she said it. He nodded, tying his hair into a small ponytail. 

“Now that that’s out of the way, would you like to go join our small group there, at the other end of the rink?”

His head spun to the group on the other side, the children skating around one of the hockey circles, balancing lightly on one blade, then switching to the other.

“I-I don’t know if I can do that!” Hyunjin sputtered, picking one skate up off the ground to just feel how it would be like.

“Now, of course, you can! There should be some other kids your age in that group as well. Now go on! I wouldn’t want to waste your potential!” 

She sent him off with a small wink, her curly black hair bouncing around her face.

It would be a lie to say that he didn’t want to go - he was going to rub this into Jisung’s face after they were done, of course - but he still felt nervous. His heart nearly stopped when he recognized the small boy standing next to the teacher.

“And who are you?” The teacher asked.

“M-My name is Hyunjin! M-Mrs. Lee sent me, um, here,” Hyunjin kept his gaze towards the ice, holding his arm to his side. 

“Well then, Hyunjin! I’m Ms. Kim. I’m technically a hockey teacher, but today I’m teaching this class as well. Would you like to learn what they’re doing?” 

“I- Yes please!” Hyunjin grinned, just thinking off all the things he could learn to show off to-

“Alright then! Jeongin, show Hyunjin here how to skate on an edge. Join the rest of the circle when you’re ready, I have to help straighten a few of these kiddos out!”

The sound of blades against the ice rang in Hyunjin's ears as Ms. Kim skated away, leaving him with the small boy. Hyunjin paled. 

In front of him stood the same small boy who he had seen jump effortlessly into the air, fall, and stand up as if nothing had happened.

“Nice to meet you, Hyunjin. I’m Jeongin,” The boy held out his hand stiffly, “How old are you?”

Hyunjin hesitated for a moment. “I-I’m 14,” He answered, “These are my first skating lessons.”

He wasn’t expecting Jeongin to huff and turn his head up with pride. “I’m 13. Let’s go over here.”

Hyunjin pushed himself to the wall, hitting it with a thud.

“Jeez, you can’t even stop?” Jeongin laughed, “Why’d Mrs. Lee even move you up into this class…”

If he wasn’t uncomfortable before, he was definitely feeling insignificant now. This lesson was going to be a long one.

✰

And a long lesson it was. Jeongin was more stuck up than Hyunjin had expected, the younger boy pointing out every small mistake Hyunjin had made with little to no advice on how to do it better. 

The only reason Hyunjin didn’t walk out of that lesson is because Ms. Kim came back to help him out, showing Hyunjin the right way to balance on the very edge of the skate. No thanks to the brat with the shiny black hair.

“So, both of you,” Mrs. Lee had asked as Jisung and Hyunjin took off their skates and returned to the safety and comfort of normal sneakers.

“Nope! Never doing that again!” Jisung began to complain. “My butt hurts, and my hands are cold, and my ears are cold and- oww- are my feet supposed to hurt this much? Mrs. Lee, I respect skating I really do but I am never-”

“I’ll be back next week, Mrs. Lee!” Hyunjin looked up to her with bright eyes. “I-I like skating! I really do! It’s really fun and I want to see what else I can do!”

Mrs. Lee smiled brightly, “I’ll text your mom then!”

It wasn’t a lie, of course. Hyunjin did like figure skating. He liked the feeling of the blades scratching against the ice, and how the cold air nipped at his ears. He liked pushing through and getting a move just right, and of course -

He liked wiping that stupid grin off Yang Jeongin’s face.

✰

3 years later

“Jisung, do you seriously have to come with me to every lesson?” Hyunjin groaned. He was 17 now and had been taking figure skating lessons consistently. There were some early practices before school, and some late-night practices on the weekends, but Jisung always insisted on joining him on Fridays at 6:00.

“What? Can’t I see my best friend off to skate practice?” 

Hyunjin gave him a fake laugh, pulling a straight face as soon as he was done. “We all know you only come here to see Felix!”

“Ahh, well, that’s not entirely true! I also come here to see Changbin and Chan! We’re like… We’re like family!”

“The owner’s son let you ride the zamboni once, and suddenly he and his friend are family?” Hyunjin gave him an incredulous look, stepping into the ice house once again.

Jeongin stood waiting by the entrance, conveniently placed next to the skate shop. He stuck out his tongue as Hyunjin walked by, and Hyunjin couldn’t help but return the favor.

“You two still ‘hate’ each other, huh?” Jisung giggled. 

Oh, god, was Hyunjin glad that his hair covered his burning red ears. “Don’t call it hate - he doesn’t deserve that much. I merely dislike his being around me.”

Jisung laughed, “Slow down there Shakespeare, was that even a real sentence?”

“It is! Now if you excuse me, I have a lesson to get to. Go make kissy faces at your crush or something.”

The boy was already turning to leave, but the comment made him turn around and give Hyunjin one last slap on the shoulder.

✰

“Hyunjin, keep your eyes focused on where you’re going, knees bent, chin straight, now up - good! Good!”

The teacher called out the same set of directions Hyunjin had heard millions of times. A spiral was simple. One leg stayed on the ground, one leg at a 90-degree angle behind him, hand behind his back for an added challenge - but only when Jeongin was around. Was there any point in going for a challenge when his rival wasn’t there to see it?

“Alright, gain some more speed and then hold your leg over your head, try to go for a full split. Let’s see if you can do that.”

Hyunjin squinted at the teacher, “So… A Biellmann?”

The teacher nodded in surprise. “I’m glad to see you know what that is, Hyunjin!”

“Yeah, amazing he knows that considering he started so late!” Jeongin’s voice rang out throughout the empty rink. 

Hyunjin let out a stressed sigh, “Why are you-?”

“Hyunjin! Focus,” The teacher called, “The Biellmann, please?”

He obliged, pushing off with one foot to gain speed, purposefully going far enough to circle Jeongin, who sat in the middle of the rink.

Hyunjin followed all the steps he was taught, bending his knees to gain some speed, straightening them as he tilted forward, picking his leg up behind him. He reached for the blade of his skate, grabbing the steel blade and bringing his leg up over his head. 

Knowing he couldn’t reach a full split, Hyunjin took his focus off from what was in front of him. He bent his back to look at his skate for a moment before losing momentum and placing both feet back on the ground.

“Impressive!” His teacher called out, “Especially since you haven’t practiced this particular move before.”

“I could’ve done better!” Jeongin called out, placing a bored hand on his cheek.

“Now now, Jeongin, there’s no need to compare!”

“Nope! His stance needs more work and his ground leg was shaking. And he lost momentum at the end too, come on!” 

Hyunjin felt his face flush with anger. He’d been dealing with this for months, but he had enough.

“What do you want from me, huh?” Hyunjin asked, trying desperately to keep his voice calm. 

He barely heard the teacher mumble something about needing a coffee behind him, and soon enough, the two were left alone in the middle of the rink.

Hyunjin skated closer to Jeongin pulling to a stop right in front of the younger and sending a flurry of snow onto his jeans. “Why do you feel the need to criticize me every time you see me?"

“What’s got you so worked up, new kid?” Jeongin bit back.

“New kid-? Listen, If you don’t like me, fine! But stop coming in here during lessons and disrupting everything!” 

“Why not?” Jeongin shifted his weight on his legs, swinging side to side, “You get so annoyed and irritated, just like a little kid!”

“Aren’t you the little kid here?” Hyunjin narrowed his eyes, Jeongin doing the same.

“I’m not a little kid,” Jeongin hissed, “I’m just better than you and you know it! That’s why you’re so mad.”

“I-? What the hell? That competition you went to last week - did someone say something to you? Is that why you’re so defensive? Or maybe you’re trying to compensate for something, huh? That lutz wasn’t exactly perfect last week, was it?” Hyunjin’s mouth keeps running, and he immediately regrets everything that comes out of it.

“Shut up!” Jeongin yelled, “You have no right! You couldn’t have landed that lutz either!”

“The lutz is one of my best jumps, Jeongin! I don’t think I’ve messed up that jump in competition even once!”

Jeongin suddenly looked scared, curling his legs further into himself. “There’s so much more that you can’t do, though! You can’t even do a double axel-”

“You can’t either!”

“Just shut up! Shut up, Hyunjin I don’t want to hear it!”

“Then tell me! Why the hell do you want to bring me down so much?”

“Because you’re good!” Jeongin yelled back, shutting his eyes tight. “Because you only trained half as long as I did and you’ve already gotten this far! That’s why!” 

It took a moment for Hyunjin to register what he had said, but any attempt at a response was cut off.

“You came in here and skipped the first beginner lessons, and you finished the intermediate classes with no re-takes, a-and,”

Jeongin opened his eyes, and- Oh, shit, was he crying?

“-and your mom comes to support your little performances and you have all of these friends around you and I hate it! I look so stupid next to you, can’t you see that? Why can’t you just quit already!”

Hyunjin quickly brought himself to the ground, fanning the boy’s face, trying to dry the tears away.

“Hey, hey! Don’t cry! You’re just jealous, that’s nothing to be ashamed of-”

“I’m not jealous!” Jeongin yelled back, his tear-filled eyes tearing holes into Hyunjin’s heart, “I just… I hate you, Hwang Hyunjin!”

Jeongin stood up from the ice, breaking into a sprint towards the exit.

“W-Wait! Jeongin get back here!” 

Picking himself up from the ice, Hyunjin ran right after him. He passed by his couch on the way into the lobby, shouting a hushed “Sorry Mr. Park!” and following the younger boy into the hockey locker rooms. 

“Jeongin…?” Hyunjin called out, slowly walking further into the small locker room, “Let’s at least talk things out, ok?”

A small sniffle sounded in the locker rooms, and Hyunjin began walking towards the lockers on his left. Sure enough, there sat Jeongin, his head held between his legs and hands bunching up his hair.

He sat on the bench next to him. “Jeongin, I’m sorry, I-”

“What the hell are you sorry for,” Jeongin hissed, his response slightly muffled. “You didn’t do anything wrong, this is all my fault. I should’ve just practiced harder and then maybe I would’ve won like I was supposed to and I wouldn’t be stuck with you and me-”

“You’re rambling,” Hyunjin giggled lightly, placing one hand on Jeongin’s shoulders. 

“Sorry.”

They sat in silence for a while, struggling to find the right thing to say.

“I don’t think you’re stupid,” Hyunjin said.

Jeongin scoffed. “Yeah. Thanks. You told me I was the biggest idiot alive right before I left for the competition.”

“That was a month ago! And it was a joke!” Hyunjin acted offended, but his words had no malice, “I thought we just had a fun… rivalry. I didn’t know you were actually serious. I’m sorry.”

“Well, I was serious. I hate you.”

The words hurt Hyunjin a lot more than he’d like to admit.

“But I don’t hate you, Jeongin. You’re a lot cooler than you think.”

Jeongin whipped his head up towards Hyunjin, staring daggers.

“W-When I first met you,” Hyunjin began to explain, “When I first saw you in the rink, I thought you were super cool. Even though your landing was off time and you fell on the ice-”

“You saw me fall?!” Jeongin cried, gripping the sides of the seat.

“B-But you got right back up! It was like you didn’t even know you fell. You just hit the ground and came right back up like it was nothing!”

No matter how much Hyunjin tried, the terrified look didn’t leave Jeongin’s face.

Hyunjin struggled to continue, “And… you’re cool now too. I watched your competition clip-”

“God, just stop! Shut up! Shut up about the competition, I don’t want to hear it!”

“You did really well, Jeongin. Your performance was amazing,” Hyunjin said, trying to make his words sound as sincere as possible.

The light in the locker rooms flickered, and Hyunjin lost his focus for just a second.

“But I fell,” Jeongin argued. Hyunjin didn’t even notice that the younger was leaning on his shoulder.

“Don’t mind the fall,” Hyunjin tried to comfort him, “Accidents happen during comp season all the time, don’t think too much about it. The rest of your routine was perfect! All of the jumps were well-timed, and they had good height, and you could feel the emotion. It was captivating, Jeongin, I’m serious.”

“But… I didn’t even get on the podium,” Jeongin mumbled, leaning further into Hyunjin’s shoulder.

“The podium doesn’t matter to me, you did well,” Hyunjin sighed. “Do you just want a hug?”

For a moment, Jeongin didn’t reply, but Hyunjin felt something wet fall onto his shirt, following a broken, “Yeah.”

So he wrapped Jeongin into a hug, letting the younger bury his face into his neck and hold him like his life depended on it.

✰

2 years later 

Not much had changed after that. Hyunjin and Jeongin still had their small rivalry, with fewer insults and more… “constructive criticism,” as Jeongin began to call it. Hyunjin wasn’t hurting anymore and he hoped Jeongin wasn’t either, but sometimes he would catch the younger sitting in the middle of the ice after his practice, staring at the rafters in the ceiling. Hyunjin always wondered what he was thinking about.

Well, there was one major change - Hyunjin just didn’t want to think about it too much.

“We’re moving out to California tomorrow,” His mother had stated on one uneventful Thursday dinner.

“We… We’re what? Why?” Hyunjin asked, standing up from the table.

His mother looked up at her son, her forceful gaze making him sit down again. “We found you a new coach out in America. He’s trained some very talented skaters and he said he was willing to give you a shot!”

“We- We can’t just move, I have people here that I care about! What about them? What about Jisung? Felix? What- What am I going to tell them?” 

“They’ll be happy for you won’t they? Now eat up, the food’s going to get cold.”

Hyunjin had lost his appetite.

✰

That Friday, 6:00 pm

“So…”

“So……”

“You cut your hair?”

He couldn’t bring himself to look at his friend’s face.

“Yeah. We thought it would just get into the way if I did jumps and stuff. Ponytails aren’t going to save me during a spin either, so we cut it before practice.”

Hyunjin and Jisung sat at one of the benches in the ice house, picking at fries that had already gone cold.

“Long hair is your entire thing though…’ Jisung spaced out, taking in the information. “You’re really leaving, huh? She isn’t joking?”

Hyunjin shook his head. “She’s serious about this. Apparently, I have some type of ‘untapped potential’ that only this new Canadian coach can uncover…”

“Well, hey, man I’m happy for you but… can we at least stay in touch? Do you have a Kakao, or Snapchat, or-”

“You know my mom hates that kind of stuff, Jisung. I didn’t have any social media here, and I probably won’t over there either.” 

Jisung set his head down on the table with a thunk.

“I’m glad to have this opportunity but, I don’t know how I’m going to make it without you guys.”

Hyunjin fell into an uncomfortable silence, shifting around in his seat. 

Jisung finally picked his head up with an emotionless expression. “Fine. It’s better for you, so I’ll accept it. How do you want us to send you out?”

Hyunjin grew flustered. “Send me out? Jisung, I don’t need a big celebration or anything. I already let a few of the coaches know so that we can finish up the last of our practices, and… then it’ll be off to the airport. Right after practice.”

“This fucking sucks,” Jisung groaned, holding his head in his hands, “I’ll miss you dude, I’m serious.”

“Hey, it won’t be that bad without me!” Hyunjin tried to lighten the mood, “You’re dating Felix now, right? And you made that little Soundcloud group with Chan and Changbin… you have so many people around you to take care of. You don’t need to worry about me.”

Jisung pouted. “But you’re you! I’ve known you since like… elementary school!”

Hyunjin stretched out an arm to give Jisung a soft pat on the head. “Don’t be dumb, Jisung. You know I’ll also be with you,” He pointed towards his heart, “In here.”

Almost immediately, Jisung dropped his sad expression. “Nope! No, come on, get your skates ready, I swear if I have to hear some sappy shit like that again I’ll-!”

Jisung pulled Hyunjin out of the bench, tugging him towards the locker rooms where they left their skates. 

✰

Lessons went by smoothly. His coach worked with him on small technical things, like keeping his chin held up high and finding where to focus during a jump. They went over some old performance videos, picking out what he could’ve done better, or how he could’ve landed a jump with more stability.

He didn’t see Jeongin at all.

Whether he wanted Jeongin to know he was moving or not, Hyunjin wasn’t entirely sure. Would he go quietly, leaving Jeongin to figure out what happened from his friends? Did Jeongin already know? What was he going to say? Would he… care?

His stomach lurched at the thought of leaving without even a goodbye.

The bench he sat on suddenly felt much colder. The laces of his skates felt rough around his fingers as he untied them, and he eyed the small bruises that formed around his ankle as he changed back into his sneakers. The faster he changed, the faster he would have to leave. And honestly, Hyunjin didn’t want to.

As he walked, his footsteps felt a thousand times heavier. Rickety wheels rumbled behind him as he rolled the bag across the floor. Jisung convinced his mom to let him accompany Hyunjin to the airport, and Hyunjin assumed he was already out in the parking lot, waiting for the skater to return.

"Hyunjin?" He heard a familiar voice behind him, one that he hadn't heard all day.

Jeongin has grown up well, Hyunjin smiled. The younger boy had recently begun to share Hyunjin’s position as the prince of the rink, the skintight black turtleneck showing off all the rewards of his hard work. 

Even Hyunjin had begun to stay after practice to wait for Jeongin's training session to start. Eventually, he was always kicked out, but he relished in those few minutes where he was able to see him, completely in his element, dancing across the ice like it was the only thing he was born to do.

But Hyunjin wouldn't be able to see that anymore, now would he?

Jeongin's eyes were already glistening with tears when he caught his attention. He seemed so small and alone against the emptiness of the stadium. Hyunjin hated it.

"You… you aren't actually leaving, right?" Jeongin asked in disbelief, "You cut your hair, that must mean it’s true. Why else would you cut it, why-?"

Hyunjin brought him into a wordless hug, unable to say anything for comfort. Jeongin sniffled into his shoulders, struggling to hold back tears, but Hyunjin wasn't as strong.

The black turtleneck quickly became stained as Hyunjin cried, holding onto the boy tight and promising to never let go.

"H-Hyunjin, you have to go," Jeongin sniffled, but he never loosened his grip. "You'll be late for your flight."

Just the reminder of the flight sent another string of pain to Hyunjin’s heart. 

"No, no, I want to stay here with you," He almost sobbed, "How am I going to go on without you there to help me?"

This seemed to make Jeongin smile a little bit, but soon enough, he was back to crying into Hyunjin’s shoulder.

"Promise that you'll come back to me, ok?" Jeongin inhaled sharply, "I don't think I can do this without you."

"Yes, you can," Hyunjin laughed, "You're an amazing skater. Y-you don't need me to be there 24/7."

They separated for a moment, Jeongin pulling himself far away enough to come face-to-face with Hyunjin. “Let’s make a deal then. We shoot for the Grand Prix Finals. And… if we meet each other again, it’ll be at the very top.”

Hyunjin almost laughed at the proposal, but he nodded his head. “Fine, fine. The Grand Prix it is then. I’ll make sure to win, Yang Jeongin.”

Jeongin curled his sleeve into the palm of his hand, wiping the tears away from Hyunjin’s face. “Not if I have anything to do about it.”

✰

It was a quiet ride to the airport, Hyunjin and Jisung sprawled across the back seat of the minivan, Hyunjin laying softly on his chest. Happy pop music blasted from the radio of the car, but he couldn’t help but feel numb.

“Hey, you ok?” Jisung whispered to him softly, “You’ve been staring at the floor for like… 2 minutes now.”

Hyunjin let out a pained groan as he rolled over, digging his elbows into Jisung’s chest. There were a few slaps on his arms before he settled down again, resting his head next to Jisung’s. “I think I miss him.”

Jisung huffed, “Who? Jeongin?”

“Yeah, I think I miss Jeongin.”

The minivan hit a few rocks, and Hyunjin’s head bounced against Jisung's chest.

“Yeah, but like… it’s weird. I don’t miss Felix this much and I’ve known him almost as long as you have.”

A soft hand ran through his hair. Hyunjin didn’t like how it ended so abruptly. He wished he never cut it.

“Tell me more,” Jisung urged on, his hand still combing through Hyunjin’s hair, or what was left of it.

“What are you,” Hyunjin giggled, “A counselor?”

“I’m keeping my options open in case my music career doesn’t work out,” Jisung joked, ruffling Hyunjin’s hair. “Nah, I’m serious. Explain. What’s up with you?”

Hyunjin let out a loud sigh, staring up at the roof of the car. “Well, I like seeing him every day, but when I do I just get so… angry? I get so mad when he shows up, and my face starts burning, and my hands get sweaty, and I stutter… I get so mad, I really don’t know why I miss him this much.”

Jisung had stopped combing his fingers through his hair, angling his neck to look at Hyunjin with confusion. “Dude, I don’t think that’s anger.”

“...Then what is it?”

“Bro, you’re totally in love with Jeongin.”

Hyunjin stared up into space. He hit Jisung’s shoulder absentmindedly, mumbling a small, “No I’m not…”

“I thought you knew that you liked him!” Jisung whispered, sounding somewhat like a hushed yell, “I mean it was pretty obvious to everybody else that you two liked each other, I can’t believe you’re realizing this now-”

“W-W-Wait what? It was obvious? How can it be obvious if I don’t even know!”

“C’mon!” Jisung groaned, “You stayed after practice to watch him skate, you always seem to know where his next competition is… Fuck, even the trainers started asking you where he was since you seemed to know all of his favorite hiding spots!”

Hyunjin sighed. “Well, that doesn’t mean I like him-”

“Hyunjin I swear whenever he comes near us your ears just start burning, dude. It was so funny watching you pretend your hair covered everything up. Jeongin probably just thought it was from the cold. Augh, you dense bastards!”

“T-Then how did you know Felix liked you back!?”

“I didn’t!” Jisung answered bluntly, “I asked him if he wanted to put his Minecraft bed next to mine and he took it seriously and asked me out on a date!”

Hyunjin scowled. “Jeez, you two were just made for each other.”

“I know, right?” Jisung laughed, “Now, back to your figure skater crush, which I completely understand, by the way. Jeongin is like… really cool! He’s just so out of reach sometimes. Like he’s a bright shining star and everyone else is just little pebbles back on Earth.”

“Damn, are you a poet or something?” Hyunjin joked, giggling harder as Jisung wrapped his arms around his chest, squeezing as tight as possible.

“I’m a rapper! Same thing!” 

Hyunjin took a moment to breathe, and the conversation fell back into a comfortable silence.

“You know, Jeongin isn’t really that far off from where we are,” Hyunjin began, “I feel like he’s just scared to disappoint us or something. He keeps practicing and practicing, and he ends up shutting people out because of that… That pent-up stress always hit during competitions and he wasn’t able to perform at his best but nobody really knew how to help so… He just never spoke to anyone.”

“...How much do you know about this kid?”

Hyunjin let out a frustrated sigh, “Not a lot. We’ve had a few talks in the locker rooms after we fought but… He never really explains anything. He just leaves you to guess the reason behind all of his stress.”

Jisung thought for a moment. “Maybe… because it’s you?”

Hyunjin’s eyes flew open, settling on the roof above him once again. “What do you mean by that?”

“Well… he’s always trying to impress you, isn’t he? He only tries his best during practice when he knows you’re watching, and I know because I’ve seen the difference. You do the same thing. It’s like you two are each other’s motivation or something…”

Hyunjin took a sharp breath as the car pulled into the airport, the sound of airplanes suddenly deafening in his ears.

“Then… what the hell are we going to do?”

✰

2 years later

“Jeongin, hey, take your time with this routine! Mr. Park told you that you have to take it slow!”

A rip sounded throughout the rink as Jeongin’s blade cut through the ice. “You aren’t even a figure skater, Seungmin!”

“Then take this as advice from someone on the outside!” The hockey player yelled back, “You look like you’re rushing the routine. There’s no emotion, no feeling. Did someone force you into this sport or did you choose it yourself?”

“...I chose it myself,” Jeongin grumbled, lowering his arms and continuing to glide across the rink, falling into a squat and letting the cold air push his hair out of his face. 

“Then put some feeling into it!” Seungmin shouted from the bleachers, the hollow echo bouncing across the walls, “Where’s your passion? Your motivation? Your muse?”

“He left a while ago,” Jeongin lamented.

There was a thud on the bleachers, the stomping of blades on metal, and suddenly, Seungmin was out on the ice. “Who? Who took the heart of our precious Jeonginnie!?”

Jeongin groaned loudly, letting himself fall onto the ice, sliding softly into one of the walls. Seungmin skated to a harsh stop in front of him, the snow barely missing his face.

“Why are you so interested?” He moaned, “Why can’t you just leave me to mourn the loss of the sun and the stars or whatever.”

“Because I can’t watch you waste your chance to be in the Grand Prix!” Seungmin scolded, “You must be some type of miracle child because nobody from this rink gets that successful! There are some big skating stars like… I don’t know, Sanha? Hyunjin? Daehwi and Bomin? Wait, no, Daehwi and Bom are pair skaters... Just look at it this way Jeongin, if you win the Grand Prix, our ice house will get more attention, we’ll get more money, and, BOOM! - better hockey coaches!”

Jeongin snarled, “There’s no way in hell they’re going to spend money on the hockey program after a figure skater brings in all the cash.”

“Oh, sorry, what was that?” Seungmin began to tease, “I can’t hear you over the sound of hockey equipment taking up over 80% of our on-site store.”

At the speed of light, Jeongin pushed himself off the ice, chasing after a giggling Seungmin.

“You bastard! Do you know how hard it was to find new skate guards? To find new skates? While you all get that fancy equipment stuff- I despise you hockey players!”

Seungmin continued to speed across the rink comfortably as Jeongin chased him, rambling on about his misfortunes.

“You brutes always make a mess of the ice before practice, you leave all your dirty stuff in the locker rooms before we get here, you take up all of the practice time and I’m forced to practice on dryland instead of on the ice before a competition! Do you even know how lucky you are!?”

His complaints were only responded to with laughter, Seungmin finally slowing down and allowing Jeongin to crash into his chest. They both fell to the ice, scattering in opposite directions as they hit the ground.

“And you know what, Seungmin? That ‘Hyunjin’ guy you were talking about? That’s my rival. I have to beat him in this year’s Grand Prix Final or else I’ll die.”

Seungmin scoffed. “Like… the American skater Hyunjin? The kid who’s been killing it at every Grand Prix competition until now? Last time I checked he won first at the Internationaux de France.”

Jeongin’s head shot up from the ice. “Wait, you mean he’s actually going to be competing in the Grand Prix Finals?”

“Yeah! And you’ll be there too if you could just get your shit together-”

Jeongin climbed to his feet, grabbing Seungmin’s arm and dragging him towards the exit. “Out. Out! Play me the music. If I lose to him in the damn Finals I’ll never forgive myself for it!”

“Then you better hurry up and get this routine to perfection! You still can’t land your double axel with more than a 60% success rate, and it might be the only thing that can push you to first.” Seungmin spoke as if he’d had this information memorized. With the number of times he’d stayed to watch Jeongin practice while waiting for the hockey team to finish changing, Jeongin wasn’t surprised.

“And how do you know I only have a 60% success rate with my double axel? Even I didn’t know that.”

Seungmin took a sip of the slushie that had been sitting on the bleachers for the past 15 minutes, still ice cold. Next to it, Mr. Park’s analysis papers.

“Ah, ok, so you’re stalking me.”

Seungmin swatted Jeongin back out into the middle of the rink, and the familiar tune of Chopin’s Ballade No. 1 came through the speakers.

✰

Jeongin stood patiently in the waiting room, forcing his eyes away from the TV.

It was only a week after he learned that Hyunjin would be competing in the finals, and after Jeongin had won first at the Rostelecom Cup. He began to grow sick. His fear of disappointing the people he loved had gone away for a while, or so he thought. Turns out, he was just terrified of disappointing Hyunjin.

He didn’t know exactly when this all started. Maybe it was because the only other new boy at the rink had been really good. Maybe it scared Jeongin at first. Maybe Hyunjin’s abnormally fast improvement ate away at his own chances of success, or maybe-

Maybe he just wanted to prove himself to be just as good as the older boy.

He began jogging in place, shaking the negative thoughts out of his head. He was 20 years old now, there was no room for trivial things that might stop his progress. He’d put away his phone, he stopped posting for nearly a year, just to focus on his practice and these routines and the hope that maybe, that deal they made will come true, and Jeongin could see his sun and his stars one last time.

Jeongin looked at a mirror on the wall. Two years had passed. Sure, he wasn’t too different, but he’d grown a few inches taller, cut his hair to his temples, started wearing eyeshadow and makeup that contoured his face and made his cheekbones pop to make them visible to a camera. Would Hyunjin even recognize him? 

Would he recognize Hyunjin?

  
A loud voice on the speakers knocked Jeongin out of his trance, and he felt his hands shake. 

“Jeongin, put some earbuds in and get a drink of water, okay?” His coach passed him a water bottle, all yellow with a few hello kitty stickers that younger skaters at his home rink had given him. He smiled as he looked at them, happy to feel even a small semblance of support.

“I’ll be fine, Coach!” He assured. “I just need to finish warming up and we’ll be all good to go.”

“Ok, good, because practice ice is starting in just a few minutes. That’s what the announcement was for.”

Ah, the practice ice. His chances of accidentally running into Hyunjin were suddenly very, very high.

“C-Coach! Will everybody be at the practice ice?” Jeongin asked nervously.

“Well, it’s just the men’s skaters for now, of course. Ah, Minho from the Canadian team is also here today! Go say hi to him sometime, we’ll be joining their coaches for coffee tomorrow afternoon. I talked to the coaches from America as well, and it seems that the honor student Hwang Hyunjin doesn’t do practice ice. He’ll be doing his warm-ups, or dryland routines, or whatever it is he does when he’s not out in the rink.”

Jeongin squinted. “Is that… allowed?” 

“I guess,” His coach shrugged back.

Jeongin felt a sort of calm wash over him.

✰

Jeongin usually hated practice ice, the fear of collisions and arguments over space always imminent, but having friends there seemed to make it better. 

Someone he had become close with over the years was Lee Minho, a skater from Canada. He was smaller than Jeongin, but had a more muscular physique, gaining him a lot of fans both through his skating and through modeling on the side. For the longest time, Jeongin had thought he was intimidating until he found the man feeding cats right outside of the stadium at the Four Continents.

Jeongin skated next to him to give a quick greeting, exchanging a warm smile, then continuing to practice.

His biggest challenge was making sure that he got his double axel perfect during the practice. He knew that one fall now would ruin his morale for the rest of the competition, and he could forget about even placing on the podium.

Jeongin practiced his routine once, twice, repeating the spots where he felt like he could do a little something… more.

And suddenly the buzzer went off,

And they were ushered off the ice, waiting for the real challenge to begin.

✰

Jeongin didn’t remember anything from his performance. 

One second, they were calling his name on the speakers, and the next, he was standing in the middle of a huge stadium of people, surrounded by roses and cheers, and a glaring number 2 on the screens in front of him.

To say he was devastated was an understatement. Jeongin was the 4th skater out of 6, with two people still ahead of him. He knew they always saved the best for last. That’s why Hyunjin hadn’t gone yet.

He tugged at his pale blue sleeves, careful not to pick off any sequins that had been hand-stitched into the sheer fabric. There was a roar in the crowd as Minho took his place to perform next, sporting a black suit with bright red lapels and golden details. The warm colors suited his tan skin so well, and he was glowing under the blaring lights of the stadium.

The performance was over in a flash, the soft fade of a classical track Jeongin had never heard drowned out by cheers and whistles. 

Jeongin hit his foot against the floor in anticipation. 

3rd.

He let out a sigh of relief. Somehow, Minho had managed to stay in first after his performance as the second skater of the night, and Jeongin was content with second place for only a moment.

He faced a dilemma. With Hyunjin as the last skater, would he keep his place in 2nd, or would he be knocked down to 3rd? One outcome kept all of his friends on the podium, and the other was a devastating let down for both Hyunjin and Jeongin. He couldn’t just let his star fall from the sky, now could he?

Hearing Hyunjin’s name being called out on the speakers made Jeongin shake with nervousness, and he felt an arm being placed around his shoulders.

“Fuck, finally we found you! Why aren’t you in the skaters’ section?”

“F-Felix?” Jeongin sputtered, “Jisung!?”

The two boys sat around him on the bleachers, eyes fixed on the rink in front of them.

“I haven’t heard from this bastard in years,” Jisung confessed, “He’s completely elusive. Couldn’t find him even after I basically stalked his competition schedule… Even with help from Felix! The son of a skating coach! It was no use.”

Faint purple lights slowly illuminated the ice, and Felix slapped a hand to Jisung’s mouth. The crowd fell into a hush, all eyes on the boy standing in the middle. 

“He’s… gorgeous,” Jeongin gaped.

Hyunjin’s hair had grown back out, even longer than before. It was tied back in a high ponytail, a small black ribbon keeping it all in place. Even his costume was beautiful, velvet pants with a deep neck top decorating with tiny feathers and sequins, the cuffs falling over his hands just so slightly.

“Is that really-” Jisung began to ask, but the boys held his arms in place and forced him to sit.

The music started, and the routine proved to be just as beautiful as the skater performing. Hyunjin’s movements were swift, relaxed, and poised as if he had full control over every small muscle in his body. The landings of each jump were soft and weightless, the center of each spin staying right in place, as if he was glued in just one spot.

Jeongin watched in awe and Hyunjin nailed a double axel with ease, the same move he’d been struggling with for months. He wasn’t even sure if he landed it in this competition, and he was too scared to check.

For the first time in a while, Jeongin didn’t feel jealousy. He felt pride. That was his rival. That was the boy he had fallen in love with 4 years ago.

As always, the music faded to a close, and the cheers and cries were deafening to Jeongin’s ears.

A grin spread across his face as he looked to the screens.

1st.

✰

The performances were finally over, and their small afterparty had begun, a night of resting and relaxation for most skaters. 

Jeongin came dressed in his usual black suit, blue tie, a pop of color that he felt defined him and his career over the years. Minho came in along with him, having somehow booked the hotel room right next to his. His suit was more of a warm brown color, a deep burgundy tie to finish it all off.

“The skaters from your home rink are having their own mini-party in Jisung’s hotel room,” Minho informed. “You wanna spend an hour here then ditch?”

“Y-Yeah, I’ll go! I haven’t seen those boys in awhile I just need to find someone first.”

Minho gave him a slight nod and tapped his watch. “I’ll come to find you in about an hour. Make sure you don’t leave to go anywhere, ok?”

“Yeah, yeah, I get it! Now go flirt or whatever you came here to do.”

“Rude,” Minho scoffed, “I just need to show Mina some pictures of my new cats…”

Jeongin giggled as he walked towards the unusually tall pastry table, grabbing a small fruit tart and taking small bites, and looking obsessively out into the crowd.

“Looking for

"Looking for someone?" He heard a familiar voice call out behind him.

"Hm?" Jeongin turned around to find the Hwang Hyunjin, one arm resting on the table, and the other propped up in a wave. His hair was let down to flow across his shoulders, and a single braid ran down from the front of his face. 

"I guess I won the deal, huh?" Hyunjin smiled.

Without even an ounce of hesitation, Jeongin rounded the pastry table, pulling the older into a tight hug. "I missed you, you bastard."

"I bet I missed you more," Hyunjin said, his voice muffled by Jeongin’s shoulder. "Hey, you grew taller! How dare you?"

Jeongin made a dramatic gasp, "You left me, and you have the audacity to scold me for aging?" 

Hyunjin laughed, patting him on the back through the hug. "Let's go find a place to sit down and talk. We have a lot to catch up on."

✰

The tables finally began to grow quiet and people were preparing for the dinner meal, but it wasn't long before Minho had come to keep his side of the promise. 

"Hey, you two coming?" He called out to the pair, looking between Jeongin and Hyunjin, "You two… know each other?"

"Ah! Lee Minho! How great to see you again! Anything to say?" Hyunjin chuckled, and Jeongin looked confused.

"Minho, what-"

"I don't regret what I did and I'll do it again if I have to!"

Jeongin held back a gasp. "Hyunjin, what did you do?"

"He insulted my cat, that's what! So I threw my skate guard at him."

"Your cat?" Jeongin asked, "Which one?"

"There's more of them?" Hyunjin pretended to be shocked. 

Minho walked forward with a brisk pace, and Hyunjin was already out of his seat. "Jeongin, c'mon, c'mon! We have to go!" He muttered, taking Jeongin's hand and heading straight towards the door. "Where are we going, exactly?" 

Jeongin fought back against his burning face, and his brain that was now completely full of mush. "We-We're going to Jisung's hotel room for a mini party! I-I think it's just people from our home rink!"

Hyunjin gave him a small smile, using his free hand to push his hair back. Jeongin decided that he liked it when he did that. 

  
✰  
  


2 months later   
The Grand Prix Finals were over, and Hyunjin was finally allowed back in his home rink as a type of small "holiday gift" from his coach.

Hyunjin didn't know how long he had to stay, and he wasn't about to take any chances. So he made a plan. He was going to ask him out.

But how? Where? When? What were they going to do? The only date activity Hyunjin had only ever done was, well, figure skating… 

Would he do it with roses? No, that's too over the top and cheesy. Through text-? No! That's not cheesy enough. Minecraft bed-? Oh, hell, no. 

Maybe a picnic? It was July, the weather should be nice, right?

And so it was decided. 

The very next day was when Hyunjin finally asked Jeongin to meet him somewhere. He left no details as to a reason, only details of the location, and what to bring. 

"Just wear whatever," He had said, anticipating a hot summer day.

And so tomorrow came, quick as lightning.

Hyunjin had the blanket spread out, a small basket filled with sandwiches and pastries he had made with all the love in the world. There was nobody around in the park, the location being a special little place he used to come to as a child.

"Oh, what's this?" He heard from his place on the ground.

"Jeongin!" He exclaimed, rushing up to hug him, "I organized a little, uh, picnic! For us! Just the two of us."

Jeongin stared down at the soft blanket, then back to Hyunjin. He had his hair up in a ponytail, a silky blue ribbon flowing behind him. "So, this… This is a date?"

Hyunjin grew flustered, bringing his hands up to his face, "W-Well, it's not not a date- I mean, yeah? I guess-" 

"It's wonderful," Jeongin complimented, watching Hyunjin's face turn to an impossible shade of red. 

"I - thank you," Hyunjin scratched his head in embarrassment. 

"S-Sit down! I made us some sandwiches."

Jeongin happily obliged, taking a seat on the blanket and staring at the basket full of food. 

It was comfortable. Hyunjin felt comfortable. The both of them had never really been… out together so Hyunjin couldn't be happier. 

They ate, they talked, they played little card games and colored on some small receipts they found in Jeongin's pockets. Jam, they learned, makes for an excellent painting tool.

Of course, everything good has to come to an end. And the end was the classic downpour, coming out of nowhere, sending the pair scrambling to pack everything up. 

"Hyunjin, where did you park your car? Did you roll your windows down?" Jeongin yelled as he ran, holding the blanket over his head.

"I- I don’t have a car!" Hyunjin yelled back over the downpour. "Fuck!"

"How did you get here then?" Jeongin gave him a confused look.

They began to near the parking lot, and there he saw it. 

"Nevermind!"

There stood a bright white motorcycle; sleep, red stripes, and getting completely pounded by the rain.

"Fuck!" Hyunjin yelled again, but even louder, "Jeongin I'm sorry but can I stay in your car for a little while? I can't leave the bike here like this!"

"Well, duh! Of course, you can!" He yelled back, "Just get in, the door's open!"

Hyunjin almost threw himself into the passenger seat of the car, holding the basket tight in his lap. 

Jeongin sat next to him, clearly exhausted, but wearing a smile on his face. 

"Jeongin, look, this isn't how this was supposed to go at all, I should've checked the weather before-"

"That was the most fun I've had in months!" Jeongin grinned, staring out the window with bright eyes, "I'm still sore from practice yesterday but wow, the adrenaline really makes you forget all about that, now doesn't it?"

Hyunjin gaped at the younger for a moment before falling into laughter, clutching at the basket in his laugh and throwing his head back into the chair. His wet hair stuck to the sides of his face and he felt Jeongin reach over to swipe it away from his mouth. 

"You look like a wet dog," Jeongin laughed, staring into Hyunjin's eyes with an expression that made his heart flip. 

"You don't look so bad yourself, fox boy," Hyunjin smiled, closing the distance and forgetting all about the rain soaking through his shirt.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed !!!
> 
> i've never written a oneshot before so I apologize if some parts seem rushed! this was supposed to be short and sweet but it ended up being much longer than expected ;;
> 
> comments are really appreciated, and so is constructive criticism!! i hope you all can support yuzuru hanyu as well, he's an absolutely amazing skater and he's been one of my supports for motivation for a really long time! 
> 
> (for anyone wondering - jeongin's costume was yuzu's costume from his routine to chopin ballade no 1, minhos was from the phantom of the opera routine, and hyunjin was, of course, notte stellata!)


End file.
